Jess's Rantstravaganza

Thu, 22 Dec 2005 14:41:22 GMT

DON'T CHEAT- TYPE THE FIRST 20 PEOPLE YOU CAN THINK OF OFF THE TOP OF YOUR HEAD...
20 People You Can Think Of Right Off Your Head:

1. derah
2. torie
3. james
4. jamie
5. bex
6. cody
7. andrew
8. dain
9. lin
10. katherine
11. adam
12. edvis
13. donnie
14. shawn
15. kenya
16. brad
17. scotty
18. oz
19. kevin
20. krystle

_________________________________________

Don't CHEAT by going back and changing the person you wrote down!!

How did you meet 13?
1719

What would you do if you never met 5?
she's my sis.....i'd die

Have you ever had a crush on 3?
obviously....i love him

Would 4 and 11 make a good couple?
no....just no

On a scale of 1-10 how cute is 14?
not very....average

What language does 10 speak?
stupid.....blonde

Who is 8 going out with?
they just broke up

When was the last time you talked to 18?
when we went to pick up jamie

Does 2 have any siblings?
yes

Would you ever date 7?
no...james and jamie would kill me.....he's cute though and smells nice

Is 15 single?
permanetly by choice

What is 4's middle name?
lee

Would 7 and 19 make a good couple?
ewwwww.....no

Whats 16's favorite color?
no clue

What school does 8 go to?
dondero

Where does 9 live?
hazel park i think

Would you make out with 1?
no

Are 5 and 6 best friends?
friends

What is your history with 20?
haven't known her very long or well....she's cody's gf

Do you like 17?
he's fun....did at one point.....he's a friend

Whats your status with 3?
soon to be engaged

FUNNY SHIT

Fri, 16 Dec 2005 01:05:38 GMT

LIES ALL LIES

Fri, 16 Dec 2005 00:58:18 GMT

Your 2005 Song Is

Beverly Hills by Weezer

"My automobile is a piece of crap
My fashion sense is a little whack
And my friends are just as screwy as me"

You breezed through 2005 in your own funky style!

What Hit Song of 2005 Are You?

You're An Alcoholic

Time to go back to step one.

What Kind of Drunk Are You?

i don't like this quiz......definetly not true

Thu, 08 Dec 2005 15:08:46 GMT

You scored as Suicide. Your death will be suicide. What more can I say? Fact: Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. If you want to know hwo you will commit suicide, take a look at your second highest percentage on the bar graphs.

</td>

Suicide

87%

Disappear

73%

Posion

67%

Stabbed

60%

Disease

60%

Bomb

53%

Cut Throat

47%

Suffocated

47%

Accident

47%

Eaten

47%

Gunshot

47%

Natural Causes

33%

Drowning

33%

How Will You Die??
created with QuizFarm.com

quiztime

Thu, 08 Dec 2005 15:03:45 GMT

You scored as Biting. When it comes to being kinky, your biggest turn on is biting. You love the ectasy of teeth sinking into your flesh, and are probably willing to return the favor. Sex just isn't sex without using your teeth.

</td>

Biting

83%

Whips

67%

Chains/Handcuffs

67%

Bondage

58%

Blood

42%

Blind Folds

42%

What's Your Kinky Turn On?
created with QuizFarm.com

fun filled day of borrowing things from jamie

Thu, 08 Dec 2005 15:00:40 GMT

TEN FIRSTS
First Best Friend(s): torie hannah
First Screen Name: xfphwoar56
First Pet: snowball
First Piercing: ears
First Crush: alan bammel
First CD: don't remember
First Car: still waiting
First Love: alan bammel
First Stuffed Animal: franklin aka mr. bear, a teddy bear with a red and white striped hat my mom's boss at dairy mart gave to her to give to me.....i still have him.....but where did he go

NINE LASTS
Last Alcoholic Beverage: warm bud.....bad day
Last Car Ride: today to my dad's
Last Movie Seen: RENT!
Last Phone Call: james
Last CD Played: rent
Last Bubble Bath:at my dad's.....few months ago
Last Time You Cried: tuesday
Last Time Eating Out: tuesday with jamie
Last Dream: sleepless nights and dreamless mornings as of late

EIGHT HAVE YOU EVERS
Have you ever dated one of your best friends: yep
Have you ever been arrested: nope....knock on wood
Have you ever skinny dipped: yes
Have you ever been on TV: yup.....sally jesse
Have you ever kissed someone and then regretted it: who hasn't
Have you ever cheated on someone?: live and learn.....will never do that again......it was a long time ago
Have you ever skipped school: once again who hasn't
Have you ever done something illegal?: yep

SEVEN THINGS YOU'RE WEARING
1. pepsi tee
2. jeans
3. black lacey bra
4. black and pink etnies
5. underpants
6. hoodie
7. jewelry

SIX THINGS YOU'VE DONE TODAY
1. checked e-mail
2. got dressed
3. smoked
4. worked on my lj and my myspace
5. kissed james
6. dreaded going to work

FIVE FAVORITE THINGS IN NO ORDER...
1. cuddles, kisses, and sleeping with my baby
2. tattoos
3. sweater pants
4. irish car bombs
5. jamie, james, and bex

FOUR PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL [ALMOST] ANYTHING TO
1. james
2. myself
3. katherine
4. torie

FOUR PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL ANYTHING TO
1. jamie
2. bex
3. moosey
4. i only got 3 sorry

THREE CHOICES
1. Black or White: pink
2. Hot or Cold: neither....i hate extremes.....but i like blankets so cold as long as i don't have to go outside
3. Chocolate or Vanilla: strawberry or vanilla with chocolate but not the other way around.....yuck

TWO THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
1. husband and kids
2. find myself

ONE THING YOU REGRET
1. lots but they've made me who i am now so i'm stuck with them and maybe they helped me in some way

18 with this one so far

Thu, 08 Dec 2005 14:42:48 GMT

28 ways to make a girl fall in love with you

(X)1. Tell her she's beautiful.
(X)2. Hold her hand at any moment even if just for a second.
(X)3. Kiss her on the forehead.
( )4. Leave her messages to wake up to.
(X)5. Always tell her you love her at any and all times.
(X)6. When shes upset hold her tight and tell her how much she means to you.
(X)7. Recognize the small things... they usually mean the most.
(X)8. Call her sweety or honey or baby.
( )9. Sing to her no matter how horrible your voice is.
(X)10. Pick her over all the girls you hang out with.
( )11. Write her notes (she loves them).
(X)12. Introduce her to family and friends as your girlfriend.
(X)13. Play with her hair.
(X)14. Pick her up, tickle her, and play wrestle with her.
( )15. Sit in the park and just talk with her or push her on the swings.
( )16. Tell her funny jokes, tell her stupid jokes, just tell her jokes.
( )17. Throw pebbles at her window n the middle of the night just because you missed her.
(X)18. Let her fall asleep in your arms.
( )19. Carve your names into a tree.
(X)20. If she's mad at you, kiss her.
( )21. Give her piggy back rides.
( )22. Bring her flowers just because.
( )23. Treat her the same around your friends as you do when you're alone.
(X)24. Look her in the eyes and smile.
(X)25. Let her take as many pictures of you as she wants.
(X)26. Slow dance with her, even if there isn't any music playing.
(X)27. Kiss her in the rain.
(X)28. If you're in love with her, tell her dont be afraid to share feelings

do it fuckers

Thu, 08 Dec 2005 14:37:08 GMT

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want, either good or bad.

When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you.

tom collins

Thu, 08 Dec 2005 14:24:01 GMT

Collins

Which Character from Rent are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

random party humor

Thu, 03 Nov 2005 14:37:34 GMT

cuddlebabyjess's Halloween party:

ahatwaterrhodes dressed as a associate network administrator.
cuddlebabyjess dressed as a chain smoking drunkin' candy whore.
dirtresearch dressed as a llama.
grimmy6669 gets drunk, strips naked, and somehow emerges dressed as Jessica Simpson.
jessjamlikewhoa dressed as a Level 11 ranger.
kill_creation dressed as a laser printer.
morbidcreature dressed as the Duke of Epibic.
punkrawkjamie dressed as an iPod.
roseeyedangel dressed as a mummy.
screamo_geek dressed as a flesh flood.
squeekyhoho dressed as a raccoon.
thesolitaryfey dressed as a 1970's disco child, and it suited them all too well.
valkos dressed as Ulysses S Grant.
wolf_ii dressed as Optimus Prime.

Throw your own party at the Hallomeme!
Created with phpNonsense

lyrics on my mind you need to know

Wed, 19 Oct 2005 14:16:54 GMT

TLC-Damaged

I know I'm kinda strange, to you sometimes
Don't always say, what's on my mind
You know that I've been hurt, by some guy
But I don't wanna mess up this time

[BRIDGE]
And I really really really care
And I really really really want you
And I think I'm kinda scared
Cause I don't want to lose you
If you really really really there
Then maybe you can hang through
I hope you understand
It's nothing to you

[CHORUS]

My heart's at a low
I'm so much to manage
I think you should know that
I've been damaged
I'm falling in love
There's one disadvantage
I think you should know that I've been damaged

I might look through your stuff, for what I don't wanna find
Or I might just set you up, to see if you're all mine
I'm a little paranoid, from what I've been through
Don't know what you got yourself into

And I really really really care (And I care about you so much)
And I really really really want you (I really do want you)
And I think I'm kinda scared (But I'm scared with every touch)
Cause you)
If you really really really care (If you care for me like you say)
Then maybe you can hang through (Then maybe you can hang through)
I hope you understand (I hope you understand)
It's nothing to you {nothing to you}

My heart's at a low (low)
I'm so much to manage
I think you should know that (I think you should know)
I've been damaged
I'm falling in love (I'm falling in love)
There's one disadvantage
I think you should know that I've been damaged (I think you should know that)

My heart's at a low
I'm so much to manage (I'm so much to manage)
I think you should know that (I think you should know that)
I've been damaged (I've been damaged)
I'm falling in love (I love you so)
There's one disadvantage (I love you so)
I think you should know that I've been damaged

And I really really really want you
And I think I'm kinda scared
Cause I don't want to lose you
If you really really really there
Then maybe you can hang through
I hope you understand
It's nothing to you
My heart's at a low
I'm so much to manage
I think you should know that (Ooh I think you should know I've been damaged)
I've been damaged (I've been damaged baby)
I'm falling in love (Falling in love with you baby, yeah)
There's one disadvantage
I think you should know that I've been damaged

My heart's at a low
I'm so much to manage
I think you should know that
I've been damaged
I'm falling in love
There's one disadvantage
I think you should know that I've been damaged

Luther Vandross-Buy Me a Rose

He works hard to give her all he thinks she wants
But it tears her apart ‘cause nothing’s for her heart
He pulls in late to wake her up with a kiss goodnight
If he could only read her mind, she’d say…
[CHORUS]
Buy me a rose, call me from work
Open a door for me, what would it hurt
Show me you love me by the look in your eyes
These are the little things I need the most in my life

Now the days have grown to years of feelin’ all alone
As she sits and wonders if all she’s doin’ is wrong
‘Cause lately she’d try anything just to turn his head
Would it make a difference if she said, if she said…
[CHORUS]
[BRIDGE]
And the more that he lives the less that he tries
To show her the love that he holds inside
And the more that she gives the more that he sees
This is the story of you…and me

So I bought you a rose on the way home from work
To open the door to a heart that I hurt
And I hope you notice this look in my eyes
‘Cause I’m gonna make things right for the rest of your life
And I’m gonna hold you tonight, tonight
Do all those little things for the rest of your life

Clay Aiken-The Way

There's something about the way you look tonight
There's something about the way that I can’t take my eyes off you
There's something about the way your lips invite
Maybe it’s the way that I get nervous when you're around
And I want you to be mine
And if you need a reason why

It’s in the way that you move me
And the way that you tease me
The way that I want you tonight
It’s in the way that you hold me
And in the way that you know me
When I can’t find the right words to say
You feel it in the way
Oh you feel it in the way

It’s something about how you stay on my mind
It’s something about the way that
I whisper your name when I’m asleep oh no
Maybe it’s the look you get in your eyes
baby it’s the way that makes me feel to see you smile
And the reasons they may change
But what I’m feeling stays the same

It’s in the way that you move me
And the way that you tease me
The way that I want you tonight (tonight)
It’s in the way that you hold me
And the way that you know me
When I can’t find the right words to say
You feel it in the way
Oh you feel it in the way

I can’t put my fingers on
Just what it is that makes me
Love you, you baby
So don’t ask me to describe
I get all choked up inside
Just thinking about the way

Repeat 2nd chorus(2x)

It’s something about the way you look tonight
There is nothing more to say than I feel it in the way

LeAnn Rimes-I Need You

I don't need a lot of things,
I can get by with nothing
Of all the blessings life can bring,
I've always needed something
But I've got all I want
When it comes to loving you
You're my only reason,
You're my only truth

[chorus]
I need you like water
Like breath, like rain
I need you like mercy
From Heaven's gate
There's a freedom in your arms
That carries me through
I need you

You're the hope that moves me
To courage again
You're the love that rescues me
When the cold winds rage
And it's so amazing
'Cause that's just how you are
And I can't turn back now
'Cause you've brought me too far

[chorus]
I need you like water
Like breath, like rain
I need you like mercy
From Heaven's gate
There's a freedom in your arms
That carries me through
I need you

Clay Aiken-Love of My Life

I am amazed,
When I look at you,
I see you smiling back at me.
It's like all my dreams come true.
I am afraid,
If I lost you, Girl,
To fall through the cracks and lose my track,
In this crazy, lonely world.

Sometimes it's so hard to believe,
When the nights can be so long.
Faith gave me the strength,
That kept me going on.

Chorus:
You are the Love of my life,
And I'm so glad you found me!
You are the Love of my life,
And Baby put your arms around me.
I guess this is how it feels,
When you finally find something real.
My angel in the night,
You are my love, Love of my life!

Now here you are:
Midnight closing in,
You take my hand as our shadows dance,
With moonlight on your skin.
The look in your eyes,
I'm lost inside your kiss.
I think if I'd never met you,
About all the things I'd miss.

Sometimes it's so hard to believe,
When love can be so strong.
And faith gave me the strength,
That kept me holding on.

Chorus:
You are the Love of my life,
And I'm so glad you found me!
You are the love of my life,
And Baby put your arms around me.
I guess this is how it feels,
When you finally find something real.
My angel in the night,
You are my love, Love of my life!

You are the Love of my life,
And I'm so glad you found me.
You are the love of my life,
And Baby put your arms around me.
I guess this is how it feels,
When you finally find something real,
My angel in the night, you are my love,
My angel in the night. you are my love,
Love of my life!
Oh-ohh

lyrics in my life

Mon, 03 Oct 2005 13:34:28 GMT

kelly clarkson - addicted

It's like you're a drug
It's like you're a demon I can't face down
It's like I'm stuck
It's like I'm running from you all the time
And I know I let you have all the power
It's like the only company I seek is misery all around
It's like you're a leech
Sucking the life from me
It's like I can't breathe
Without you inside of me
And I know I let you have all the power
And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time

It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me

It's like I'm lost
It's like I'm giving up slowly
It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me
Leave me alone
And I know these voices in my head
Are mine alone
And I know I'll never change my ways
If I don't give you up now

It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me

I'm hooked on you
I need a fix
I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time
Then that's it
Just a little bit more to get me through this
I'm hooked on you
I need a fix
I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time
Then that's it
Just a little bit more to get me through this

It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me

kelly clarkson - because of you

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

kelly clarkson - beautiful disaster

He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme I know
He's as damned as he seems
And more heaven than a heart could hold
And if I try to save him
My whole world would cave in
It just ain't right
It just ain't right

Oh and I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
He's such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

He's magic and myth
As strong as what I believe
A tragedy with
More damage than a soul should see
And do I try to change him
So hard not to blame him
Hold me tight
Hold me tight

Oh and I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
He's such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

I'm longing for love and the logical
But he's only happy hysterical
I'm searching for some kind of miracle
Waited so long
So long

He's soft to the touch
But frayed at the end he breaks
He's never enough
And still he's more than I can take
Oh and I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
He's such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

He's beautiful
Lord he's beautiful
He's beautiful

jamie tagged me sorry

Sat, 17 Sep 2005 23:07:40 GMT

List 3 things that bug you - things that others may find trivial. Then tag 6 of your friends. Only list 3 things because you may/can be tagged again.

1.) voicemail messages that just say call me or are unimportant - i don't know about you but i'm kinda busy. i work for a living and go to school. i don't have time to check my voicemail and call you back. if it's important leave me a message saying so and why i need to call. otherwise you get nothing. i'll get to you when and if i get to you.

2.) people who think everything needs to be done and that exact second - i'll get to it when i get to it. if it needs to be done now it will be otherwise it can wait til i have a second or feel like doing it. it's not vital, RELAX! other people ahve things going on besides you

3.) people that try to one up you and your problems - we all have shit going on in our lives, both good and bad. it's not a fucking contest. i don't need to know every detail of your life and you don't need to know every detail of mine. if i do you'll know about it and vice versa. otherwise lay off. that's how life works. deal with it. not everyone cares. you don't have to come up with something to try and top someone else or just so you have something to say. sometimes all people want is someone to listen and pretend they care and say damn that sux sorry

tagging
1.)kill_creation
2.)punkrawkjamie - yes you get it back
3.)dirtresearch
4.)valkos
5.)grimmy6669
6.)wolf_ii

sorry i don't have many friends on this thing

READ THIS!!!! you'll laugh

Wed, 07 Sep 2005 13:43:02 GMT

1. Go here.
2. Pass it on.

1.~How did you meet punkrawkjamie? 1719 like whoa
2.~What would you do if you had never met squeekyhoho? that'd be strange
3.~What do you honestly think of grimmy6669? deep but in a grimmy sort of way
4.~Would or did punkrawkjamie and jessjamlikewhoa go out? wouldn't you like to know......oh yea!!!!
5.~Have you ever liked valkos? there was a point when i didn't hate him
6.~If morbidcreature died tomorrow, what is one thing that you would need him/her to know? i don't like this question.....pass
7.~Would screamo_geek and punkrawkjamie make a good couple? ahhhh......adorable
8.~Describe kill_creation in 3 words: bex, adorable, mixed up
9.~Do you think punkrawkjamie is hot? prettiest girl i ever did see
10.~Would morbidcreature and punkrawkjamie make a lovely couple? been there....tried that.....hells bells no ahah
11.~What do you think of when you see jessjamlikewhoa? damn i'm pretty.....but seriously, i'm just a fucked up girl looking for my own piece of mind
12.~Tell me something humiliating about punkrawkjamie: there's so many but she'd hurt me
13.~Do you know any of wolf_ii's family members? yep
14.~What's punkrawkjamie's favorite color? pink
15.~On a scale of 1-10 how cute is punkrawkjamie? 1719.....hehe....you're off the charts
16.~What would you do if dirtresearch just professed their undying love for you? been there done that......cried but in a very good way
17.~What language does punkrawkjamie speak? pretty, deep, and dirty......damn that sounds bad together
18.~Who is punkrawkjamie going out with? me.....hehe
19.~Is punkrawkjamie a boy or a girl? supergirl
20.~Would punkrawkjamie and dirtresearch make a good couple? hell no......they'd kill each other.....and they can't be cause what about me
21.~Who do you think punkrawkjamie would be great with from this list? me......jessjamlikewhoa
22.~When was the last time you talked to punkrawkjamie? yesterday
23.~What is valkos's favorite band? what do guinea pigs listen to?.....wheet wheet wheet
24.~Does screamo_geek have any siblings? yes
25.~Would you ever date wolf_ii? no.....he's too pretty for me
26.~Would you ever date kill_creation? incest is wrong but she's adorable
27.~Is punkrawkjamie single? bad question.....no....she's with me
28.~What is punkrawkjamie's last name? fletcher
29.~What is punkrawkjamie's middle name? lee
30~What is grimmy6669's fantasy? hell if i know.....maybe figuring out the world.....seems like he's trying to do that
31.~Where does punkrawkjamie live? lynch's.....lol
32.~Would you make out with punkrawkjamie? been there done that repeatedly
33.~Are squeekyhoho and wolf_ii best friends? no....never met
34.~Does kill_creation like punkrawkjamie? of course.....she lubs her
35.~How did you meet punkrawkjamie? you already asked me that.....1719 like whoa
36.~Is punkrawkjamie older than you? yep
37.~Is punkrawkjamie the sexiest person alive? hell yea

goodbye forever i'm lost

Wed, 31 Aug 2005 14:40:45 GMT

even through all this i always thought that she'd come back to me, that she'd stand by me again someday. well that thought has been completely eliminated and now i am forever abandoned and alone. i thought the betrayal was temporary that it was what worked in the moment but now i know it won't be. this is permanent. this is eternal. this is what it's like to have the one person you thought could never leave turn their back and walk away. no not walk, run. run away. from me, from everything. running doesn't make me go away or the problems. it doesn't solve anything. i thought you would have learned that but i guess not. maybe you will when you see that it's over. when you turn around to find me and i'm gone. forever lost to you. forever out of reach and earshot. your words mean nothing to me. actions speak so much louder and your's say goodbye i won't help you i don't love you. i know you love me but not it the way that i need, that you should. so this is it. this is the end. this is goodbye. i wish we could have gone on forever like we should have but apparently you had other ideas. other dreams that didn't involve me. i thought i was the other part of you, what made you whole. i guess not. i'm nothing like you and i won't be. i could never do the things you did. never thought you could. i thought i meant something to you, that i was important. i thought wrong. you've showed me that. i can't go back to the way things were, ever. i won't look back and wonder. i'm moving on without you. same as you are doing without me. i love you because of who you are and could have, should have been. but i can't love you like this. i can't live like this and i won't so this is it. this is the end. this is where we part forever, goodbye. i'll miss the memories we could have had but never will. you don't deserve my love after what you've done but it's your's. i can't change that. i don't know if i want to. i don't know anymore. my world has been turned upside down and inside out and pulled apart and the peices will never go back together like they were. it's not possible. there isn't a place for you in it anymore. i'm done. i'm done with you. i don't know if you'll be able to put your peices back without me but you'll have to. that's the choice you've made. life will never be the same for us, will never be what it could have. this is where we move on without eachother, alone. goodbye. wait fuck the good part. there isn't going to be anything good about it. things shouldn't be like this. the only good part is maybe we can finally get on with our lives and quit living in the past, in the future that we dream of but will never come. no use hoping for tomorrow. there won't be one. it's over. bye.

Lyrics to Live by

Fri, 29 Jul 2005 12:47:49 GMT

MARTINA MCBRIDE - "HOW FAR"

There's a boat, I could sail away
There's the sky, I could catch a plane
There's a train, there's the tracks
I could leave and I could choose to not come back
Oh never come back

There you are, giving up the fight
Here I am begging you to try
Talk to me, let me in
But you just put your wall back up again
Oh when's it gonna end

[Chorus:]
How far do I have to go to make you understand
I wanna make this work so much it hurts, but I just can't
Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are
So I'm gonna walk away
And it's up to you to say how far

There's a chance I could change my mind
But I won't, not till you decide
What you want, what you need
Do you even care if I stay or leave
Oh, what's it gonna be

[Chorus]

Out of this chair, or just across the room
Halfway down the block or halfway to the moon

How far do I have to go to make you understand
I wanna make this work so much it hurts, but I just can't
Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are
So I'm gonna walk away
And it's up to you to say
YeahI'm gonna walk away
And it's up to you to say how far

last night

Sat, 18 Jun 2005 20:47:55 GMT

last night was pretty fucked up and amazing at the same time. i can't begin to describe to you what happened or how it affected those of us who were there. first, i want to say thank you to all of you. you don't know how much it meant to me to have that night. for us to be in a room together and just hang out again. i know it was strained and hard for all parties but i'm so thankful it happened and the effort was put in to do so. maybe, just maybem this won't be the end of us. second, you don't know how much i love you. i was lost in a world all my own when you sang to me/for me i'm not sure. nothing else existed anymore. it was just me and you. swirling together in the stars in my mind. i got that glazedm dreamy look in my eyes and i wasn't there anymore. all i could think about and hear was you. if it was possible i fell even more in love with you then. it was the most amazing moment in my life. one i will cherish forever. and how you held me afterwards just made everything even better. it made it real. i just wanted you to know that. i want you to know how much i love you and i'm going to do everything i can to make this work cause i don't wanna lose you. you mean the world to me. thank you. third, i didn't fully realize it at the time but i was singing that song for you. i knew partially but not really how much until she knew it too. i meant every word of it baby. fourth, i hurt but in a good way. amazing. fifth, what the hell got into us? all of us. dude, i dunno but it was funny as hell. and so not fair. how'd we get like this? not a damn clue. oh well. life is good. live it while you can.
VIVA LA MEMORIES!!!

1719

Sun, 12 Jun 2005 00:13:12 GMT

for those of you that care and were there, that know what it was to be a part of that and want to hold on
join the 1719 community http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=1719
yes we've started a community specifically to remember what was and will always be 1719

love to you all
jess
VIVA LA 1719!

response to you

Fri, 03 Jun 2005 14:19:57 GMT

where to begin......i know you don't want me around him and i understand why but he's not the only one to blame for what happened. it was both our faults. i have to take responsibility for my part in it too. i see your point and you're entitled to your feelings about all of it but you can't force me to feel the same way. if you want to walk away and be done with what was the 1719 family that's fine. no one can stop you and i'm not gonna try. that's your decision to make, to make the decision that you think is right for you, what you want. that's all up to you as it is up to me to make the decison for myself. you can't impose your rules and decisions on me. i belong to you but you don't own me. i have to make up my own mind, do what i feel. i know you don't like that but you need to let me live, to choose for myself what path i'm gonna take. i changed because of that house, good or bad. i like the changes and i want to keep them and i'm thankful everyday for the people that helped to make them. he's one of those people. he's a part of why i have become the person i have become. all of you are. i wouldn't be who i am, who you love, who loves you if it weren't for everything and everyone. maybe we'd still have stayed together either way but we'll never know and it would be different. i don't want to walk away and say goodbye to the people that changed me. that made me a better person and showed me that i can be worth something. that i can have a fmaily of people that love me and want me around without having to. you all showed me what family was even if know things have fallen apart between some of us and changed. we still had those times, those moments, those memories. i want to hold on to it. i know the decision i made then wasn't the right one but it happened. that was then. just cause i made a mistake before does NOT doom me to repeat it. nor does it doom him to repeat. everyone makes mistakes. i'm not taking a chance again cause it's NOT going to happen again. i'm not the girl i was then. it won't get me what i want, it will take it all away and i know that. circumstances have changed and i've learned. i know i don't get another chance, we'd be done. this is it. i wasn't just talking, i can't live without you. i need you. that's why i WON'T put myself in a situation that i might lose you. just being around him does NOT put me that situation. i can be around people without anything happening. you're never just hung out with someone without having a plan of what you're going to do in advance? it happens, alot. sometimes i just wanna go and be around my friends for a while and not go home right away. it doesn't matter what we're gonna do because it's a getaway, spur of the moment. when we plan to do something i tell you. how can i tell you beforehand if we don't plan it and just go with what happens? i can't. i hate lying to you but sometimes the fights that would come aren't worth it. i don't lie because i'm doing something wrong, i do it cause it keeps the peace for a while. i don't like the lectures and the attitude i get from you when i tell you i'm gonna do something when you want me to do something else. i don't wanna sit there all the time. i wanna get out and do something, anything. i'm not happy just being anymore. i need to live. i'm not doing anything to make you worry so you need to relax abit. if you question it, what are the reasons? why did you make the decision you did and why do you think it might not have been the right one? that's something you need to decide and i need to hear. no one likes feeling out of control, especially you. i know that from your personality. control is very important for you but sometimes you just need to let go abit. if someone you're close to makes you feel out of control, that's love. love isn't about being in control. it isn't about reason. it's the opposite of all that. it's letting go and holding on and thinking and feeling and surrender and so much more. i don't like it either, especially that i feel that you have so much control over me. that i don't make a decision without thinking about you. every second of everyday the only permanent thing on my mind is you. you make me the happiest person in the world and you make me the saddest. you make me laugh and you make me scream. you make me smile and you make me cry. i hate it and love it at the same time. i don't like that you have that much power over me. i know that's also part of love, them being able to make you feel a certain way but i don't like it. maybe the part i don't like is that you know you have it and you use it. i don't know anymore. what do you mean her explanation is a load of shit? i don't understand. i don't understand much of anything anymore. it seems like everything is falling apart and coming together at the same time and i don't get that. i don't like it. you asked me before what the hidden meaning was to barrel of a 45. what does it mean to you?

updates from the unconscious

Wed, 01 Jun 2005 14:03:45 GMT

well i haven't been updating lately.....i don't know......i just haven't really felt like telling the world what's going on, how i am, what i feel, etc......you understand......well alot has been going on for a while now.....hell breaks loose in a week.......we'll see how that goes......i just want it to all be over so i can go back to living cause i'm not right now.....but at least i haven't cried in a while......wait, that's a lie.....but it had been a while before that day and at least it wasn't like my usual bawlfests.....more fights......more lack of understanding......more questions......less answers.....less trust.....less hope.....in anything.....i don't know what to do.....i don't know what i want......if i can do this......lots of good talks with her.......thank you......it helps.....you make me see a diffenent side and admit out loud things i'm scared to think.....i know you don't like it but i'm glad you stand by me anyway.....i don't know what i'd do without you, without our talks, without your support......it's you that has stopped me from saying those words that i can't or shouldn't say, that'll change everything, possibly ruin everything......it's just been so hard to hold back but it wouldn't be fair to anyone to jump that far.......how can i move forward without the necessary first steps, the changes that must be made for happiness, for life, for survival.......i can't, i won't.....so here i stand thanx to you......thank you.....she's running wild again.....going off.....not thinking, just living.....she needs to stop for a moment.....i'm kinda nervous but at least she seems happier......he's always thinking, not living......i want him to stop for a moment.......i realize now they both have their pros and cons......you need a balance......neither of them have it......does anyone?......sometimes i wish i could just let go and forget about being practical, forget about having a plan.....just live......other times i wish i could stop myself for a moment to think about what i'm doing, what i want, where i'm going, who i'm taking with me, what i do to them.......will i ever find the middle ground? know the situations that call for a each response?.....i wish i could just sort out what's in my head but given present circumstances that's not possible.......someday......maybe......oneday

quiz i stole from nicky wicky wuv wuv

Thu, 26 May 2005 12:36:49 GMT

pictures for jamie

Mon, 16 May 2005 15:32:03 GMT

aren't they cute?

I'M HAPPY!!!!

Fri, 06 May 2005 14:15:09 GMT

I'm happy today. I don't know why but I like it. Look, I'm even typing with punctuation and proper capitalization. What the fuck? I just spelled out what the fuck. Damn, I did it again. Oh well. Maybe it was the cd I made with manson, linkin park, ani, britney, rammstein, tool, black eyed peas, frankee, etc. Very random and loud.

Here is the track list:
1.) manson-sAINT
2.) manosn-golden age of grotesque
3.) ani-shameless
4.) green day-boulevard of broken dreams
5.) linkin park-breaking the habit
6.) linkin park-numb
7.) manson-cake and sodomy
8.) manson-this is the new shit
9.) manson-kaboom kaboom
10.) manson-slutgarden
11.) ani-untouchable face
12.) black eyed peas-anxiety
13.) tool-schism
14.) linkin park-somewhere i belong
15.) sublime-santaria
16.) the ramones-i wanna be sedated
17.) britney-my perogative
18.) rammstein-du hust
19.) rammstein-du hust (english version)
20.) frankee-f.u.r.b (fuck you right back)

I love it. Maybe that's what put me in this good mood. But I had to have been in a pretty good mood to have made the cd in the first place. I took a shower, shaved, put product in my hair, put on makeup, painted my toe nails. Wow, I'm turning into a girl. Well, I've always been a girl but when I do all that it's a very good sign. It means I'm a-ok. Better than a-ok, I'm super. That makes me even happier, cause I'm having a good day. I even had a call from my mom and I'm still great. I like this. I hope it sticks around for a while. I know James does too cause I've been all sad and cranky and bitchy lately. No more of that. I got other good news too. I GET A SATURDAY OFF!!!!! I'm very excited. I hope it's nice so we can go to the zoo. I wanna go so bad. I love the zoo even though the elephants are gone. I love elephants. There so damn cute. My sister ironed her hair today and she looks absolutely adorable. I love her to pieces. I put my mood as giddy hehe. HAPPY DANCE FOR JESS!!!!! Anywho, that's enough random for right now. Later kittens.
Byers. Toodles. Muah.

edited song for my bex

Fri, 06 May 2005 12:38:34 GMT

Blessid Union Of Souls
I Wanna Be There

Won't you let me catch your fall
Won't you let me lend a hand
Those lonely eyes have seen it all
But love's too blind to understand

Cause you don't know what you have
Til your everything is gone
You need someone to show you how to live again

I wanna be there when you're feeling high
I wanna be there when you wanna die
I'm gonna light your fire
Gonne feel your flame
I wanna be there when you go insane
I wanna be there when you're feeling' down
And I'll be there when your head is spinnin' round
Gonna be your sister
Gonna be your friend
I wanna be there til the end

You wouldn't know that I was there
Cause I have been there all the time
And if I had my way I'd hold you in my arms
And leave this madness all behind

Cause you got so much to give
But you throw it all away
And all you got to show for who you are is pain

And I've got so much to give
If you'd only let me in
I'm gonna take the time to show you I'm a friend
You'll believe in love again

I wanna be there in the pouring rain
I wanna be there when you call my name
I'm gonna light your fire
Gonna feel your flame
I wanna be there when you go insane
I wanna be there when I'm outta town
And when your whole damn world is crashing down
I'm gonna be your sister
Gonna be your friend
I wanna be there til the end
Cause you don't know what you have
Til your everything is gone
You need someone to show you how to live again

And I've got so much to give
If you'd only let me in
I'm gonna take the time to show you I'm a friend
You'll believe again

I wanna be there when your baby cries
I wanna be there when they tell you lies
I'm gonna light your fire
Gonna feel your flame
I wanna be there when you go insane
I wanna be there when your nights are long
And when you're feeling like you don't belong
Gonna be your sister
Gonna be your friend
Gonna be there til the end

I'm gonna be there in the morning
I'm gonna be there in the night
I'm gonna be there to make you strong when
you're tired
I'm gonne be there when you want me
I wanna be there when you don't
Gonna be your sister
Gonna be your friend
Gonna be there til the end

maybe another day

Thu, 05 May 2005 14:03:47 GMT

so much to say but i don't know how to say it and i don't have the time to find the words, i guess i'll save it for another morning